a view by maebil manon
rather than capturing a scene en plein air, i sought to capture a moment of the soul. a soul of mine; and as all souls to some degree, which has experienced turmoils, trials, temptations, yet triumphs nevertheless. featuring a beyond bright up-close moon that would typically bring turbulent tides and be blinding in the light it reflects, this scene paints a clam sea and a fascination by this moon that draws inspiration and motivation with it. rather than overwhelmed by its excessive, blinding light, it is seen as a sign of relief—as the moon reflects the light of the sun, this reflects the light of the soul. in this same vein, this painting represents resilience with the light in the darkness of mood instability and rather than being overwhelmed by it, having faith in the good to come. the idea of progress and that the destination is bountiful and fruitful. the moon, through its phases and as a precursor of the day, is representative of phases in mood and phases in life but more so of a new time, an opportunity to be independent from yesterday, present in today, and ready for tomorrow. the same moon glowing in yellow representative of intellect, cheerfulness, and stimulation of everyone and the blue twisting sky of the unique self and the twists in self-discovery and compassion to one’s self being necessary in that journey. overlooking an orange city signifying enthusiasm and fascination with the moon with green windows and vegetation representing the onlooking of stability. painting can often be about preservation. capturing a moment. in this latest piece, i aim to do the opposite, to form a vanguard, to create a window to step through; towards the moon reflecting the good in one’s self and to the horizon, not to preserve the past.
my first original piece, similar to this; perhaps another in this series, with a now known sub-par lack of detail was painted after a dream of painting and a feeling of inspiration upon waking up, this painting began as an effort to capture a foreign yet welcomed mood of relief one day upon waking up. it was an odd feeling because as of late, i had been plagued with various symptoms of mental illness especially mood instability. the previous day, i had painted something in a sour mood and it felt forced and was not enjoyed. therefore, i began this painting to capture this pleasant emotional state of peace and to build and maintain it through the therapeutic effect of painting. in my darkest of days, what got me out was being creative. selfishly, it was a glimmer of hope that my creativity might be my way out. from a young age i poured my heart and soul into learning and creativity simply to escape the suffering. perhaps "the conflict" is a better word. the belief that God blessed me with this raging creativity for a reason and that, dare i say, it might get me somewhere. still hoping on that, the recognition and faith of destiny being revealed in the past and my minuscule recognition of part of it, but trying to truly rely on Him as He has helped me with so much. He never gave up on me—even when i gave up on myself. i have many times felt my life feels like a story and i, now am trying to, have faith in The Giver of Peace, The Granter Of Security, The Guardian Over All, The Omnipotent, The Initiator, The Fashioner, The Granter, The Provider, The Subtle, and The Light. i am nothing without Him and He is The Owner and Author of my work and all. i don't mean to be prideful or overly religious but to devote myself how i can and hope i can do so more. this painting was abandoned and i later began painting the night sky in an Impressionist style of which there are very few as the closest Monet got was painting sunrises and sunsets but never stars. that series also known as “welcome to the [insert corrupt autocratic family name] gallery”. in the first draft of this piece, i didn’t want to paint using the recent style of Impressionist nor Post-Impressionist stars i had developed but rather inspired by van Gogh’s Starry Night. who hasn’t been fascinated by the twisting sky? i then did a similar sky except with a full moon up-front and on display rather than above and as a cloudscape. implementing the hyper-realism experimented with in photorealistic drawing. the following day i sought to continue this mood and added more to the then 15-piece series of views of Venice time-lapsed throughout the day however as the day progressed, i became less enthusiastic about the resulting work and more beleaguered. suffering panic and loneliness, i even tried to bait myself with that which would typically make me manic to get myself in a more positive mood—how very dangerous that is! however what ultimately helped was being around the company of people i enjoy and then working more on this painting. a point of frustration for me is that these symptoms are not as overbearing as they had been years earlier, nowhere close, to the point they’d be considered out of remission, but still made life difficult despite the short amount of time they lasted (an hour or a few) when they did occur. dealing with the frustration that mental illness has brought to my life and some close to me. how horrible it feels that one isn’t in control despite being mostly in so is a burden in itself. it is as if i am not all the way in either direction that i am neither entirely-incapacitated nor symptom-free. and while moderation can be a good thing being caught in the midst and middle of an illness, as this; that comes with a stigma, is not a good thing at all. i long to express my ability to and conduct myself in a way, and actually, contribute to society but feel that society has lost faith in me.
as mentioned in the corresponding text with earlier pieces, there was a time, recently, when i no longer felt i wanted to paint. and then painted a piece i had long wanted to. only to take a break from major painting only to paint out of happiness again. with the approval of my mother, and the support, motivation, and suggestion of those i care for. only to and to once again be satisfied with my work thus far. ready to end it. whether this was the apathy of depression—i am not sure, but i began this piece and gave up on it only to return working on it first to find joy and ease in a poor mood, after starting it in a pleasant mood, and then finally completing it out of a feeling of relief and what felt like freedom. started before but completed during the last 10 days/nights of Ramadan, and painted after the confirmed approval of my religion, also in hopes of finding firmness, wellness, and independence. ugh the turmoil of mood instability—nothing eloquent, just something raw. remember when approaching life to go all in and pour your heart and soul into what you want to do and do best—as the meme goes: go mentally deranged yeah, go brainless yeah, go wacky, go positively bonkers yeah, go mad bruv, lose your marbles yeah, go foolish! to stability in all forms!